unhooked generation

Review: Unhooked Generation
Written by Dr. Annie Dennison
as found on www.baggagereclaim.co.uk

It's not hard to find single women in their 20s and 30s, bitching and moaning about the frustrations of pursuing men who won't commit. But thta's not the whole story. When you get right down to it, these women often have mixed feelings about commitment.
And Unhooked Generation tells you why.
The book is based on Straus’ interviews with 100 single, Generation X men and women in their 20s and 30s, and her own experiences as a thirtysomething single, urban professional. Before conducting interviews for the book, Straus had already interviewed hundreds of people as a producer for 8 years on The Oprah Winfrey Show. In other words, the woman's got some credentials.
She's also got useful, and sometimes uncomfortable, insights into the sad reality that so many single people under the age of 40 can't seem to find or keep love. Pulling no punches, Straus acknowledges that single gen-Xers have taken self-orientation and casual sex to a whole new level. In their fast-paced world of dating and mating, unhooked gen-Xers enter and exit "friendships with benefits," talk about dating partner "upgrades," and avoid the word, "commitment," whenever possible. And yet, in Straus' interviews, she found that both men and women expressed similar longings for a deeper, lasting connection with someone. Why do gen-Xers long for more in love, but make choices that get in the way of finding and sustaining a relationship? Blame it in part on the collapse of courtship, a high divorce rate, consumerism, and technology. These modern forces have shaped the way that gen-Xers approach -- but also avoid -- love and commitment. That approach-avoidant dance is sparked by a mix of gen-Xers' scepticism and unrealistic expectations about relationships.According to Straus, the "dating checklist" mentality is part of the problem, too. In fact, she recommends that single people burn their checklists! Of course, if you insist on having a checklist, her suggestion is that you include meaningful qualities on it, not just shared hobbies. Another thing Straus warns against is having an abrupt "defining the relationship" (DTR) talk. She believes that the DTR talk puts premature pressure on the early stages of a relationship and can scare off the person (usually the man…) who didn't initiate the talk. While I see Straus' point, it’s not clear what alternative she proposes. After all, there's got to be some middle ground between an abrupt DTR and just silently keeping your fingers crossed that a man will stick around!Although a good portion of Unhooked Generation describes how and why so many gen-Xers can't seem to find or keep love, the book ends on a hopeful note. The author concludes with stories of gen-X relationships that have succeeded, and an outline of her solution for finding true love.Does Dr. Annie recommend this book? Yes.But I'm warning you: if you're looking for a fluffy bedtime read, this is not the book for you! It's well-researched and well-written, but it takes some digesting. And it might just be worth it. I know of two women who were so blown away by this book that they turned around and made major relationship decisions based on it!

the walk-imogen heap

Inside out, upside-down twisting beside myself Stop that now, cause you and I were never meant to be I think you better leave; it's not safe in here,I feel a weakness coming on. Alright then (Alright then) I can keep your number for a rainyday.That's when its set, no mistakes no misbehaving. I was doing so well, can we just be friends,I feel a weakness coming on.It's not meant to be like this, not what I planned at all,I don't want to feel like this. Yeah,no it's not meant to be like this, not what I planned at all,I don't want to feel like this, so that makes it all your fault. Inside out, upside-down twisting beside myself,Stop that now; you're as close as it gets without touching me,Oh now don't make it harder than it already is...I feel a weakness coming on. It's not meant to be like this, not what I planned at all,I don't want to feel like this. Yeah, no it's not meant to be like this, not what I planned at all,I don't want to feel like this, so that makes it all your fault. Big trouble loosing control, primary resistance at a critical low, on the double gotta get a hold, point of no return a second to go, no response on any level, red alert this vessels under siege,To a lower lever, systems failed, they've got control,there's no way out, we are surrounded,Give in, Give in.....Freeze, awake here forever, I feel a weakness coming on.It's not meant to be like this, not what I planned at all,I don't want to feel like this, Yeah, no it's not meant to be like this, it's just what I don't need,Why make me feel like this, it's definitely all your fault.Feel like this la la la la la la la laIt's all your fault (Feel like this) la la la la la la la laIt's all your fault (Feel like this) la la la la la la la laIt's all your fault (Feel like this) la la la la la la la laIt's all your fault

the agreement

The Pre-Booty Call Agreement This pre-booty call Agreement (hereinafter referred to as "The Agreement") is entered into on this ___day of ______________, 20 __, by ____________________, (hereinafter referred to as the "Participant") between ____________________, (hereinafter referred to as the "Holder of 'The Agreement'") and ____________________ (Participant). This Agreement shall cover the following rules and principles for the Participant:

1. If it is very good we may repeat it in the morning, but don't hold the Holder of The Agreement to any promises.

2. No meeting in public except for dinner or drinks before the events of the evening.

3. No calls before 9 pm. We don't have anything to talk about.

4. None of that "lovemaking" stuff, only mind-blowing sex allowed.

5. No emotional discussions!! i.e. where are we heading with this? Do you love me? If the Holder of The Agreement begins said discussion, shut her up with a kiss and remind her that this is a Booty Call.

6. No plans made in advance. That is why you are called "the backup." Unless you are from out-of-town, then an advance arrangement as acceptable.

7. All gifts accepted- dinner is always good.

8. No baby talk- however, dirty talk is encouraged.

9. No asking for comparisons with former lovers; it's really none of your damn business.

10. No calling each other friends with privileges. We are not friends, just sex buddies.

11. Calling out the wrong name during sex is OK. Don't be offended, you mean no less to me than you did before.

12. No extra clothing!! I don't want your ass leaving anything behind when you leave.

13. Falling asleep after sex is ok if the Holder of the Agreement is satisfied with your performance to date.

14. Don't be offended if I don't ask if you enjoyed it. I don't care!!

15. You cannot borrow my car for any reason.

16. If anyone of the opposite sex asks who you are, the standard response will be "A friendly acquaintence."

17. Doggie style preferred. Just hit it hard and right or get the Hell out!

*Extra tip for successful booty calls: The holder of the Agreement may only alter the aforementioned rules. If the other party attempts to change or alter any terms of the Agreement, it will automatically become null and void. The Participant will then be removed from the "Possible Future Relationship List" and given minimal Booty Call privileges, and cut off from any communications unless first initiated by the holder of this agreement. If further violations of the Agreement occur the Participant will be deleted from phone memory, email list, and blocked from all communications until the Participant's silly ass understands the rules.

Participant: Holder of the "Agreement": Signature: ____________________ Signature: ____________________ Date: ____________________ Date: ____________________